Winter of Discontent (Broken Worlds, Broken Hearts)

Greetings, dear readers. I know it's been a while since I've really posted, mostly for good reasons. Some are the lack of inspiration, others are some unwanted visitors lurking in the shadows where they are not welcome. Yes, I have been quite depressed as of late, feeling alone, and isolated. The holidays only serve to magnify these feelings, my family only takes from me, and they could care less about what's really going on with me, and the few friends I have are all far away, and busy with their own lives. On top of that, my father has been laid off for a while, and has been doing absolutely nothing to remedy the situation, except ask me to help with money, and  play call of duty. I don't work because my arm is screwed up, and no one wants to hire a cripple right now, trust me, I've been trying for things I know I can get away with, but they don't want the liability, either that, or my former employer, who I'm still involved in legal battles with, is causing issues with anyone looking at me with potential.


Broken Worlds:

As some of you may know, Cataclysm as been released for the past couple weeks, which is what I've been throwing some of my free time into. I must say, I am impressed in some areas of it, and disappointed in others. The questing experience is quite enjoyable this time around, and blizzard has learned well on how to tell dynamic stories through this. The new zones are mostly stunning, and I am happy with what came of that. 


I'm still not really happy with the decisions with talent points, there isn't a lot of room for unique specing or for PvP hybrids, but this keeps some of the less knowledgeable players from being too terrible, it limits advanced players trying to be creative with it. It's something I can live with though, none the less.


PvP feels a bit more balanced now at max level than it did post patch\pre-launch, but I think they need to change up Tol Barad up a bit, even though my faction that I main on has held it pretty well, they need to make it a bit harder to defend, because if there isn't much chance for a loss or for it to change hands, it gets boring.


The new instances are more difficult, especially heroics, and I think this is a welcome change, although they kind of got lazy on heroic loot, as it is the same loot copied over, same stats and graphics, with better stats. It kind of sucks to walk around at 85 with loot from heroic deadmines looking like it belongs on a level 15...


My guild is close to being able to raid, but we have yet to do so, so I have yet to have an opinion on this as of this writing, but I may post videos of boss kills on here in the future, for those interested.

Broken Hearts:

As most of you know from my post earlier in the month, I received more of what I've come to expect out of relationships where one doesn't want to commit. Simply, I don't need more of that in my already tormented existence (If I actually exist, of course, I still might be someones cruel idea of a joke, or something the collective subconscious agrees upon, for all I know). So I had good reason to cut her out of my life. I don't need another "friend" telling me how much of a douchebag the man, or men, or whatever they picked over me is, and how wonderful I am, or was, when you are going to stay with that guy anyways. I have more than enough of those kinds of friends, I don't need anymore.

Also I don't need any more of said douchebags proving my point, and coming at me with all the rage and fury of how much they fail as humans. I'm great at reading people, so my points don't need to be proven, and I don't need the extra conflict. So please, just leave me in my own torment, I don't need you to add to it.

Anyways, I've been trying to get out there again, reactivated my profile on okcupid, with an added note that I'm looking for someone who will actually remain loyal. I haven't really tried to make contact with anyone else on there though, as most people ignore my messages because I don't look like Edward Freaking Cullen, or Jacob Black, or Johnny Depp. People are so shallow these days it sickens me.

So far, not a single bite since you know who, or that one girl who looked strangely like my sister who contacted me around the same time as the one who will not be named at this time. I've thought about spending some free time sitting around in the local Starbucks, since that's where women have been meeting men lately, especially the unloyal nameless one. Haven't been able to bring myself to it just yet, maybe on a late weekday afternoon I'll give it a shot, who knows, maybe I'll find someone who isn't so shallow, and actually is loyal. One can dream, anyway...



Michael.

Isolation In The Desert Of My Despair...

Dear readers, it's been a while since I've posted, and I apologize. The past week or so has been pretty rough on me. As some of you may already know, things ended with Morgan, as I knew they would one day. She said she didn't feel the same way anymore, and I walked away from further contact. It's wonderful when someone says they are in love with you one week, and not the next, but that, dear readers, seems to be my fate. To wander the wasteland that is alone, finding nothing but false hope along the way. I can't say that I didn't sense it when I spent my last day with her. She was texting another man throughout the day, acting kind of strangely, and her energy felt different to me. I knew I'd be left behind for someone slightly more convenient, and that her dating around was just her looking for someone better. If you wind up reading this, Lady Morgan, know that my feelings were pure, and that you meant a lot to me. I truly do hope you find happiness, and that I truly will miss you more than you could know. And I hope he isn't just another douchebag, because that seems to be the type women prefer, and it's what your ex was.



To Ben, and Cameron.

This leads me to wonder, why is it that women seem to prefer the douchebags, assholes, and otherwise horrible people that treat them like crap, and are otherwise abusive. Most women say they want a knight in shining armor, but when one shows up, they choose the douchebag over the nice guy, the one that actually cared, and would sacrifice anything to make the woman's life better? Is it because you don't like the face of the guy under the helmet? Is the douchebag, conformist sheep look that much sexier? More questions that I don't have answers to, but would love to know the reasons behind this. So many of my past relationships either went to an ex, which, by the way, was abusive in one way or another before, or they wanted to keep things open, and they go with what's behind Douchebag door number #3. I usually hear from them again, attempt friendships, and I get to hear EVERYTHING that is wrong with the guy they chose, and how much they regret what they have done.

But of course, in some ways, it's too late in their minds, or in mine. They wind up having children with these guys who aren't fit to breed, or they marry them, or they've been with them so long, that they don't think they can do better, because the abuse trashed their self-esteem. Granted, I have low self-esteem issues myself, but when things like this happen, and you're always the one left behind, how could you not?

I'm actually more of a ninja in a veil of shadow, but an honest one.

So once again I am alone, and trapped in this horrible desert. I feel as if I'm frozen in a block of ice though. Able to see, but not able to move, completely aware of the world moving on around without me. Sometimes I'm remembered, sometimes I get a visitor, and sometimes I have hope. But most of the time, I'm forgotten, alone, and only have my imprisonment to occupy my mind.

The signpost on one of my many hells.

As for the rest of the week, the cable was out, and thus the Internet for most of it, and we were flat ass broke at home, more things to be sick of, and more reasons I want to escape so badly. Much in-fighting with my family happened, and has been happening since before this. I wish I could move out on my own already, but being crippled makes that hard, as I can't find much work or just take anything and everything anymore. I could do with a desk job, but I can't find anything I can get to given transportation issues. Much of the things I should have done, or been able to do have been delayed, either do to my parents not supporting or helping me, or the other things I've had to struggle against.

I've been through a lot in this life, and I may go into details as to what one day. I've also been told I have an old soul, and that I've been here before. So I can't help but wonder what I did to deserve this punishment?

I don't seek your pity, only your understanding.
Michael