Down The Rabbit Hole...

I can only offer you Truth... Nothing more...

Hello readers, today, I'd like to talk about some of my views on reality, existence, life, and the afterlife.

What is existence?

I think about this subject more and more often, and I have since I can first remember. My oldest memory is me asking myself: "Why am I me?" And "What am I here for?" This was probably between the ages of 2-4, strange thoughts for a toddler, yes. But I was never average. These questions made me feel as if I was staring into an abyss of the mind and soul, and it was staring back through me. These questions evolved as I grew, becoming: "What is existence? Does it have purpose?" And:  "How do I know I really exist and I'm not just the subconscious culmination of people's thoughts, dreams and fears?"

I still mull over these from time to time, especially when I'm feeling most alone, and my mind turns in on itself. I wonder if this is all just a computer program also, and if god is just a programmer, making up his or her own little universe, or game, or just playing a more massive copy of something like The Sims?

I came up with this theory when I was getting into my Indy game design when I was 16, I was making a 2D RPG and was building up the world, writing the characters dialog, and creating cause and effect events. Through out  this I thought: "What if this is exactly what god does, but with much more advanced programming and software? And if so, what is all this for, really?"

I've recently heard of others having this theory, even on the discovery channel's Through the Wormhole with the best narrator for this kind of thing, Morgan Freeman.

Ever since I was a Demi-god, beings enjoyed the sound of my commandments

This went on to even compare that with digital images in the world that we know all break down into pixels, things seem to also  do so in our "reality" when you get down to things like atoms and such.

This also brought other questions at the time, such as: "Who is the main player in all this?" And "Why is the AI so bad most of the time?" Random questions, these ones only rarely come up, well, the AI one more often than not, I suppose, since there is an awful lot of idiots out there.

All of this lead to other questions, of course. Such as the one I've heard from somewhere, but can't remember where: "If one exists, and one meets another person, did the one meeting the person cause the person to exist, or did the person actually exist before the one met them?"

These are questions I still ask to this day, and I really don't have clear answers for them, but it does bring an assassin's creed quote to mind: "Nothing is true. Everything is permitted."

What is Real?



This is me, I don't look very happy because I wasn't.



 I wonder about this often too, as I've been in many relationships that were long distance, some of which I was in without ever meeting in person, and yet I've been willing to commit to that on the hopes and promises that we would one day be together, and everything would be ok in the end. Some people have compared this to being in love with an idea, and not an actual person, but, what are we, if not ideas and thoughts in physical shells that do not always reflect what we actually are on the inside? If anything, does meeting someone in person for the first time tell less about them than meeting them where they can be who they are without worrying about what someone thinks of their face or body? Sure, a nice body is a bonus, but far to many people put stake in that form than what lies inside a person's mind, heart, and spirit.

It's these three things that I value much more than a physical form. Sure it's nice to be able to hold your lover in your arms, and just be, but I like to know a person, really know who they are and what they stand for, and know they are willing to accept me and my physical flaws because of who I am.

Sadly this wasn't always the case, as most of my exes had returned to the asshole exes they had before me. I guess nice guys tend to finish last, and women generally prefer assholes. Another thing I question often is why this seems to be the case. In a few other cases, they didn't want to commit, even after meeting me, and it was too hard for me to stay around after that, so I eventually walked away from them. I fear this will be a growing trend, that I'll have to either walk away or be left behind, tossed away for someone with a better shell and who is more convenient.

I went sightly off topic there for a moment, and I apologize. Getting back on track though, is a thought or an idea any less real than anything else? I've questioned this a long while as well. I've even wondered if the waking world is fake, and the dreams we have are really the "real world" so to speak. With the way technology is evolving these days, our wildest and most insane dreams and nightmares can easily become something much more than that. So I do believe an idea can be as real as anything else.

Life:

I try to live my life in a way that spreads both harmony and justice through-out the world. I don't do this for anyone in particular, but I try to lead by example. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I know I'm far from it, but I try to make things better in my own way, and I would love to leave my mark on the lives of other people before I pass from this life, no matter what waits for me on the other side. Much like Freya from Final Fantasy IX said: "To be forgotten is worse than death."

Sadly a lot of my old friends have pretty much forgotten me along the lines, especially since I moved to palmdale. The way things are here sometimes makes this place feel like a prison, and that I'm trapped and frozen in time, only able to call out to the passers by from time to time, and eventually, the world moves on, leaving me behind, only able to watch as I remain frozen among the sands of this place.

The Afterlife:

Yes, I do believe there is an afterlife, I've felt enough things, and have had many experiences that point towards there being more to this beyond death.
Personally I believe in god, and Jesus, but I don't believe in church, and I follow some Buddhist philosophies for life and such as well. I don't believe any one religion has it exactly right, because everyone wants to twist things to suit their own agendas, which is usually control over the sheep like masses.

Baaah Raaam Ewe!

Unfortunately that is the goal of most, and very few encourage people to ask questions and to think for themselves.

Anyways, back on to what I believe. I believe that if a person does good, no matter what they believed in, who they prayed to, or if they were with the same sex. They move on to the next stage, weather that is heaven or a higher plane of existence. If they did nothing but cause discord, pain, and suffering, they are punished in some way, and if they tried to do good for the most part, they are sent back, either to live the same life in an alternate universe, or a new life that takes place after the one they lived.

Of course, one who was good could choose to come back in a new form if they so wished, and I believe that everyone gets their personal heaven or punishment(hell), a reality that is their creation, which leads back to the cycle of questioning the existence of those around you.


I may expand on some of these subjects in a future post, as I did not tell everything. Let me know what you guys think, feel, and wonder about on these topics.

As always,

Michael